Tuesday, April 6, 2010

In one day...

In one day your whole world can change. October 12th, 2009, we found out that we were expecting our first child. On April 2nd, 2010, we found out that our precious daughter's heart had stopped beating. In one day we went from a thrilled, exhilarated expecting couple to a couple that had everything swept out from underneath them. In one day, I became a Mother and lost a Daughter.

In the early hours of April 3rd, I delivered our baby girl, Sophia Marie. She was a tiny, beautiful little girl who was the perfect mix of the two of us. My heart swelled and broke in the same instant. I have never, we have never, been through a harder experience in our life.

Our family, friends and colleagues have been here for us throughout. It seems like years since Saturday, and yet it has only been days. I am in a fog, trying to make sense of what has happened, only to realize too well that we may never know.

I miss my baby. I miss Sophia with everything I have. She was my, is my, darling little girl who had a whole, full life waiting for her. She had her Daddy wrapped around her tiny finger from day 1. She had me fawning over her every movement. I honestly don't know how I will ever recover from losing my precious little girl. Somehow I need to find peace and I hope it comes to me one day.

19 comments:

Nico's Proud Parents said...

I am SO incredibly sorry. There are just not the right words to say in such a horrible situation. My heart just breaks for you all and the pain you have to go through. I pray you find comfort in each other and someday peace in this situation.

cejer said...

Don't really know how I wandered into your blog this evening but I did and I am truly sorry for your loss. I have experienced miscarriage during pregnancy and know a bit of the pain you must be experiencing .. This verse helped me through my pain -- "Fix your eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen for what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal." 2Cor4:18

Anonymous said...

I'm so, so sorry. You're in my thoughts and I know you'll find the peace you need in time. Lots of hugs to you. Marisa (aka MerryMarisa)

Chrissy(sweetdahlia) said...

I am so sorry for you loss. There aren't enough words to express my sorrow and how bad I feel for you and your husband and your sweet baby girl.

Anonymous said...

I am a stranger who somehow stumbled onto your blog a few months ago (the nest maybe??). Anyway, I just wanted to say I am so so sorry for the loss of your daughter. This is just the most awful thing. Sophia was clearly loved beyond words. Take care.

theworms said...

I have no words other than I am so sorry for your loss. Your daughter will live on in our hearts. ((HUGS)) and prayers coming your way.

leslie said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. I feel your pain like it was mine - I lost my identical twin girls almost 2 years ago at 24 weeks. They were born and my Sophia lived for 8 days in the NICU and her sister Madeline lived for 16 days in the NICU. We tried and tried to get pregnant like you and your husband to lose our sweet little daughters and feel like nothing would be right ever again. I have been reading your blog since shortly after our loss and I have to tell you the pain will never go away but it will get easier over time. I know we don't know each other but if you would like to talk just respond to this post and I can email you or something. Sending you peace to get through this miserable time in your life.
~Erica

LilBear said...

Oh Lindsay, I am speechless. This is not how this was supposed to end. I am so deeply deeply sorry for your loss. I know I am 1500 miles away and we have never met, but I wish there was something I could do to help ease your hurt. I will be thinking about you and your precious Sophia.

Nicole Wiedman Cox said...

Praying for you and Tyler. May the peace and comfort of God surround you during this time.

Rachael said...

Oh I am SO sorry. I've been following your blog with such excitement. I am praying for you with all my heart and I wish I knew anything to say to make any of this better but I don't think such words exist.

ginger71 said...

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are suffering the worst kind of broken heart. Many prayers that you find peace and comfort. So, so sorry.

gringa78 said...

I am so, so sorry, Lindsay. I am just heartbroken for you. I'm so very sorry you have to go through this...you and your husband are in my thoughts.

t.bird said...

i am so, so sorry :(
my heart breaks for you. i pray that you can find the peace you so deserve.

Hanen said...

I've just found you through LFCA and wanted to say I'm so so sorry.

Sophia is such a beautiful name - I'm sure she was too.

Sending you thoughts and love.

Trinity said...

Here from LFCA. My heart is aching for you. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Sending comfort and warmth your way...

cowgirltn said...

I am so so sorry. I am sending prayes for you and Tyler.

Hope said...

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. You describe the way pregnancy loss brings world comes crashing down so well. Thank you for sharing this post.

(Here from the Creme de la Creme)

Sara said...

I am so so sorry. What an incredibly painful thing to have to survive. I hope that you can find some peace, although I know you'll always miss your sweet Sophia.

(here from cdlc)