Thursday, April 24, 2008

Dealing with the Feelings

I never imagined we would be in this spot. I thought it would come easy and I would be about 8 or 9 months pregnant now. We thought we would just practice some over the summer and get to it early fall to have a summer baby and lots of mommy time before I had to go back to work in August. Boy, were we wrong. It is hard thinking about that. What should have been. But should it have been? Should people think it is that easy to get preggo?

After reading Cindy's book, I came to realize that I shouldn't be ashamed of this IF. You tend to say it lightly and discreetly, not only because it is personal, but it has this stigma to it. The topic no one quite understands, unless they have been through it. And then you get the ones who go through more intense treatments and understand that much more. It is hard to balance your feelings towards those who are on the same page as you and those who went through less and maybe don't say the right things. I am trying to take the support I get and not analyze it or be bitter towards remarks that might not be the most sensitive. I am trying and that is all you can do.

I am a science teacher, so being able to see my insides like I have has been exhilarating. How many people have had their fallopian tubes called beautiful?! :) And then they get to see them onscreen. So I have had some side perks. We are getting more comfortable with our situation. We tread lightly around each other, but had a heart-to-heart last night and I realized just how lucky I am.

I want a baby so badly, but I am already so incredibly lucky to have a man like I do right now. I will continue to be lucky as long as he is by my side, whether we grow a family or not.

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