Sunday, October 3, 2010

6 months ago, and it still feels like it all happened yesterday

Today marks 6 months. 6 months of being a different person. 6 months of being held up by family and friends. 6 months of feeling empty.

As soon as I delivered Sophia, I felt empty. It was a huge shock to my body realizing how much she had filled me, both my belly and my soul. When she left me, I was left with a huge hole to fill. For 6 months, I have tried to fill the hole and it isn't happening. Some days, I feel more full than others. Every day is hard, just some are harder than others. Yesterday was a very hard one. 

I have been thinking about this so much lately. I think about my loss, our loss, every day, at least dozen or more times and the emptiness is almost too much to bare. And then I think, a man who loses his wife is a widower. A woman who loses her husband is a widow. A child who loses their parents is an orphan. I am a mother who lost her daughter, but what am I? There is so much shame behind losing a child. No one wants to speak of it and rarely acknowledges the shear loss of it all. 

This past week, I submitted my story to a site dedicated to Mothers and Fathers of babies taken away all too soon. The site is Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope. Put together by a group of women, they focus on making sure no one feels alone after going through such a tragedy. I felt is was important to share my story and show that I am not ashamed of what happened to me. If my story can help someone else who is in my shoes, then I am glad to have shared it. 

Here is my story: I am the face of Stillbirth


cgd said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You are so brave for posting your story. Thinking of you and sending love your way.

Marisa said...

L, there are no words to express how sorry I am for your loss. Sending lots of love and hugs to you.

KAM said...

Lindsay, we lost our daughter April 6th to preeclampsia/hellp syndrome. I feel your pain. Hugs to you and all the other BLMs out there.