The unbelievable, sinking feeling that I can't get out of. Sadness down to the very core of my existence. Tomorrow would mark 39 weeks. I don't know how I can do this. I don't know how I can get through the next week with any sense of sanity. I am going down South to my parents to help my Mom recover from surgery, but I don't think anything will keep my mind off of what could have been. I have come to the conclusion that I have no understanding of what has become of me. My circumstances are beyond absurd. Dealing with it is a joke. As of today, I feel like I have been repeatedly run over by a truck, relentless in its attack. It's sad.
I had such a great weekend with my husband to celebrate our Anniversary, but was hit with such a sudden wave of sadness this afternoon. I can't shake my feelings of defeat, misery, absolute failure. I feel so incredibly responsible for the loss of my little angel. I can't shake the guilt. I don't know if I ever will. I can't fake it today. Not anymore. I just don't have it in me anymore.