Saturday, May 8, 2010

What am I?

This is something I have really been struggling with the last 5 weeks. What am I? More to the point...Am I a Mother? This weekend brings many feelings to the forefront. I have been pregnant with my daughter. I delivered my daughter. I held my daughter. I put my daughter to rest. Yet, I still have people tell me that I will be a Mom someday. But aren't I already? Am I being naive to even think about considering myself a mother?

Mother's Day to me, hurts more than most days ever will. And the hurt starts weeks before the actual day because of all the commercial build-up. It simply reminds me that my daughter is not here and I won't be celebrated because of it. Yes, I have a wonderful Mother and I love her to death, but my hurt is too much right now for that to override my feelings. I am very ready for tomorrow to be over and done with so that I can move away from it and not be reminded every commercial or online ad that my daughter is not here. It's not something to be sorry about. It is just the way things are. I face it, deal with it and try to move on.

7 comments:

kim said...

You are a mom. To beautiful Sophia Marie. I am just so sorry she isn't here with you right now. HUGS.

LilBear said...

You are absolutely a mother. You loved Sophia, felt her move, took care of her, even if that was within your own body. She will always be your daughter, even though her time on earth was not long enough.

magdalina said...

You are a mom. You have a daughter and while she is no longer here that doesn't make you any less her mom.

Nico's Proud Parents said...

My thoughts are with you during this "holiday." Before I was lucky enough to conceive DS with our IVF, I felt the same way about Mother's Day. It made me sad and resentful. When it feels like the whole world is rubbing IF in your face it becomes overwhelming.

Rachael said...

I know everyone else said it already but you are absolutely and completely already a mom even if your story isn't hallmark-y.

t.bird said...

you ARE a mom hon- you are!

Lara + Chris said...

You are Sophia's wonderful mommy, and she's so lucky that she was born to YOU. Happy Mother's Day!!!!