Today marks 1 month since I delivered our little girl. Most nights I relive the experience over and over in my head before I can get any sleep. I feel the pain before the epidural and I see the pain in each of our parent's eyes. I see Tyler holding our baby girl and in one moment, it makes me want to break into a million pieces because of the extreme agony felt. Seeing our daughter in his arms was the single most wonderful and single most gut-wrenching moment of my life. That is what keeps me up at night. That is what makes me cry myself to sleep. To see our whole life in his arms and never know if it will happen for us again.