Hard Days

Ugh...
It has been a rough go of it lately. I have been sensitive...way sensitive with everything. I cry at anything remotely motherly/fatherly and it just hits me. I know we are on a break. I know it is supposed to be good for us, but sometimes it just hurts, kills even. Stories from our parents about thinking if they should have more children or not; financially unstable cousins have more babies; it is just too much. Today it is too much and I know that is ok. I will have days like this and I cope. I hope it will be better tomorrow, but if it is not, and it is ok. I will be ok and I will keep calm and carry on.

Thanks for listening.

It's been awhile.

It's been a couple of weeks since the Lap and I am doing well. I am healing. The infection seems to be gone and we are enjoying our down time. We have gone on several motorcycle rides and are doing home improvement jobs all over.

Today I spent most of the day outside cleaning up and organizing the patio and garage. It was so nice to be out in the Sun. I was followed around by the neighbor kids asking 1000 questions... but it was nice.

We have decided to take a nice break from the IF world. It won't be long, but we are making the most of it. 3 weeks in Florida and lots of day trips on the side. :) We are getting back to being us. We are making the most out of the time we have now and enjoying ourselves, and I am loving it.
Some days I feel guilty for letting my embies stay frozen longer than they need to be, but when I get them back; we will be ready.

I am thinking about everyone else and what they are going through and I wish you all the best. We will be back in action in June/July... but until then, it is relaxation time! Yay!

Seek and Destroy

He came... he found... he conqured. My RE is a rockstar. His endo suspicions were valid and we got it all out. I am truly paying for it today and will be for a while, but I am so thankful that I had the lap for a reason.

With our past failures, the RE knew something had to be keeping our embies from sticking. They were too good to just not stick without reason.

Yesterday I had my lap and my RE found endo on my ovaries, uterus and bladder. I am not sure that stage the endo was in, but he got it all and I will find out more about the extent on Wednesday at our follow-up.

Honestly, I have not felt this hopeful since our first IVF. I feel like we are back in the game and my RE is very confident that the endo was the reason for our failures. The surgery went well but I am paying big time today. I think I slept about 95% of yesterday and it is looking to be more of the same today... but I have hope again.... and that makes it worth it.

Flippin Fridays

We had a Teacher Institute day Friday and a nationally known speaker was in to talk to our District. He started his talk by talking about how many people die in surgery, even when it is a simple out-patient surgery. This had nothing to do with what he was there to speak about, but it was what was coming out of his mouth. He then moved on to talking about how many mothers and babies die during childbirth. And then... the big enchilada.... a couple he knew trying to have a child for several years...... and I bolted. I had to walk out of the auditorium full of colleagues. I couldn't take it anymore. Luckily I was able to come back in quite quickly... but it was still embarrassing.

Glad to be back in my Dh's arms with lots of love coming from him and my families. I am going to need a lot of support this week.

WooHoo!! Winner, Winner.... Chicken Dinner!

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What do you think about this?

OPINION: Do Men Have Any Rights Over Their Unborn Children?

By Wesley J. Smith , Senior Fellow in Bioethics - January 25, 2009
From: http://www.opposingviews.com/articles

An unusual situation has arisen in Australia involving an ethical complication arising out of IVF. A woman and her fiance` created embryos via IVF. She was impregnated but then died in an auto crash. Now the grandmother of the remaining embryos may sue to prevent the father from bringing his offspring to term. From the story:

A British woman whose pregnant daughter was killed in a car crash is considering legal action to stop her fiance using her frozen embryos to have their child. Kay Stanley, 32, had undergone IVF treatment and had her eggs fertilised before she died.

Her mother Gwen Bates, a nurse from Rotherham, Yorkshire, claims her fiance, Brett Vogel, 34, may be considering using a female relative as a surrogate for the fertilised embryo. Mrs Bates, 59, insists Kay Stanley would have been opposed to such a move.

Even if that is true, even if the poor dead woman would not want her children gestated by another woman, so what? She is dead. The father is alive. His nascent children can still be born. Why should he be prevented from having his children--if that is his decision--and instead be forced to see them destroyed (or possibly experimented upon)?

Let's consider this: The law generally holds that a woman is entitled to an abortion--regardless of what the father might want--because it is her body that gestates the child. That biological symbiotic relationship fact is seen as trumping whatever rights the father might have in the matter. It is her body and if she doesn't want to gestate, she has the unfettered right, at least in the early months, to terminate the pregnancy.

But in this case, the mother is dead and so her body is not being used for anything. The father may want to have his children brought to birth. If the grandmother can legally prevent her grandchildren from being born, it means that fathers have no rights of any kind over their pre-born children. If so, that is utter sexism. I mean, if he had died, would his parents be able to prevent the fiance from having his children? I think not.

These are the kind of dilemmas that the IVF can of worms has opened. But that is water under the bridge. In this case, I can see no justification for the grandmother's claim. What would be good for the goose should also be good for the gander.

For me, I know I want my husband to be a father more than anything, and if it means he can be a father after I am gone.... I am ok with that. It is not the best situation, but if it meant he would have a chance at a happy life after I was gone then good for him. What do you think?

WTF appt for IVF #2

Today we saw our RE for our follow-up appt after our failed IVF #2. He, again, could not be more supportive or kind in his words. Today he had answers and a plan, which was good.

Dr. J told us about a study out of Stanford. 28 women all with 2 failed IVF cycles. Those 28 women underwent laparoscopies and after the procedure, 23 of the 28 women became pregnant. Most without the use of IVF. Now this wouldn't be the case for us with MFI, but the odds look good. Apparently there is a great correlation with any amount of endometriosis causing implantation to NOT take place.

I will now be having a lap procedure to see if this is the cause of all of our pain. The IVFs go well, our embryos are all-stars.... they just need to stick. My mouth fell open when he said the numbers. He was so excited to have this information and threw himself into the research. I am all for it if it means a better shot at being mommies and daddies. I am working on scheduling this and it is looking to be late February. Until then, I can sit back and relax.... get some snow skiing in dream of Florida beaches.