My place...

After looking over my blog, I realized that people probably think I need to be institutionalized. And while they might be right, most of the time I am doing alright. I find myself turning to my blog when the moments are so low that I don't want to bring anyone else in my direct path down with me. I am ok. I am breathing. I am living.... maybe not always alive, but living. Yes, the Holidays have been even harder than I imagined they would ever be, but I cannot describe with words how very special my family and especially my husband have been to me during all of this. Without him, I would not have reason to pick up the pieces every day. Just checking in....

How to celebrate...

Today, I found myself not wanting to celebrate the Holidays at all. The sadness seems to be seeping in more lately and I find myself having a hard time keeping it together more and more. I had this cute little onesie I got from the Baby Gap last year that had a cute little tee-pee and Indian on it and I keep thinking about how cute Sophia would be in it. I see my niece and her parents doing all of these "first" things together and just die inside. Ornaments are a killer. I have a pregnant ornament in the ornament box that I know will just shatter my heart when I get it out.

The Holidays suck. Last year I was just beginning to show at Christmas time and everyone was so happy. I'm not happy now. I am a shell of myself. I don't even know what myself is anymore. Hard doesn't cut it. Can I just hide for the next 2 months?

Apologies

I finally got a hold of the appropriate authorities dealing with the Dinner and things have hopefully been resolved. I explained to them that they couldn't do anymore than apologize, but they HAD to make it to where this would never happen again, to me or anyone else. I believe I got my point across and I know that all parties involved felt like asshats about it. And they should have. They had the information there and chose not to cross check lists and double check into it. And yes, these were people that would not be affected by HIPA. 

So one problem down, always another to go. Similac seems to think that I am a most valued customer and has put me into their "Gold Moms" program with tons of mailings.... yay fun. I am starting to think that the mailbox may be my worst enemy yet.