So Overwhelmed

Yesterday I hit a bad spot. I was in the shower and just started to bawl. It snuck up on me and just completely took me over. Hubby was there and just took me in his arms and held me, not knowing why I was so upset. I didn't either. I was pretty out of it all morning. I just feel like a mutant.

I have had health problems since January, and this is on top of all of our IF probs. I have had almost a dozen UTIs since January. They keep coming back. This last time, I was on meds and it seemed cleared up and this was in April. Now I have another one, so I am back on antibiotics. It sucks. To top that all off, I am having bad allergies and both of my eyes are all f'ed up and I have to wear my glasses, which can be annoying.

So Thursday I stop in the pharmacy to pick up my antibiotics for said infection and I find out most of my IVF meds are ready. They start to package all of them up and they just kept coming. I was getting the craziest looks. SO finally they get all of them, minus the menopur on backorder, and package it all up. Those frickin meds took up my entire front seat. It was ridiculous.

I got back to the house and started taking all of them out and I was just in shock of all the needles. It hit me then that all of those stickies would be going into me. Yikes!

But it is Saturday and I am feeling better. I know Ty will be there for me and will have my best interest in heart as he stabs me each night with a needle. I know this, it is just the thought of being stuck so often that gets me. And we get closer....

Pharmacy Nightmares

First off, I am in love with my new BFF, the pharmacist I talked to on Friday night at Walgreen's. I don't know who she is, but she is my BFF. But it took a long time to get there...

I have been shopping around different pharmacies to find the best price for the meds we don't have a co-pay for. For those meds, we have to pay 20%. This can be quite the price difference. I have seen prices for the particular drug from $57-87 a vial. We will need 20-25 vials. This can be a huge price differentiation. So I was calling pharmacies left and right and looking at my options. The pharmacy I had enrolled in didn't have my info at all, even though I had a letter directly from them. They couldn't find me in the system. That was a NO go.

I found that many do not really know what they are talking about fully when it comes to fertility drugs. Everyone had a different opinion, and it was so aggravating.

So finally, I decide on using Walgreen's Specialty Pharmacy. I call my NP and she sends in the prescription, but sends it to just the local Walgreens. I get a call from Walgreens that night saying my prescription wouldn't be ready... no kidding, they need to be shipped in. I call the store to see exactly what is going on and that is when I met my friend. I asked her if this was going through the specialty store and she said no. I asked if they would be able to get all of the meds and she said she was not sure. She took my insurance info and told me she would call her boss. Not long after, she calls back telling me that everything ran through and they could get it all in. She then gave me the total cost. I about fell to the floor. The cost was half of what I was expecting. This was amazing to me. So if all goes right, and this is everything, our costs are going to be way down! Yay!

IVF #1 ... Woa Nelly!

WoooHooo!!! Is all I can say about our RE appointment. Dr J is fabulous. He got right to the point and let us know that he knows with my job as a teacher, a summer IVF would be most beneficial, and here we are. I will start BCP June 11 and take 21 days worth. We will start Lupron around June 30th, FSH around July 11 and looking at a July 21st ER!

I can't believe this is happening! It has been hard waiting to find out what is going on, but we are here. Dr J seems upbeat about our chances and we are looking forward to working with him. He let us know that my PCOS shouldn't even be a minute issue, which is a relief. Now we just need to get preggo :)

*Sigh* AI Spoiler

Some things are right in the world. David Cook has won American Idol! I can now have a sigh of relief and get back to being anxious over tomorrow's appointment. Update tomorrow!

RE on Thursday

We have our first appointment with the RE on Thursday. I am feeling anxious over this appointment, but hopeful that we will have a plan soon in place. Still not sure what to feel about IVF. I know this is what we need to do, but my goodness. I am just thankful that we have such good insurance coverage. That is our saving grace. For now I am just trying to relax. I have been reading up on the procedures. Right now I am reading the Couple's Guide to IVF. It is a pretty good read. Lots of good information. Bye for now...

Numb.

Today I feel numb. I was the dumb one, 14dpo to test this morning and get a BFN. What did I expect? Just because it was Mother's Day I would magically become a Mother? Yah, right. No go here, even though I don't have any signs of AF right now, and normally I would have this point.

Yesterday was spent crying off and on, mourning Mother's Day in general. I just hit a low. I was supposed to be a Mother by now. In my perfect world. Don't we know how that goes? So I am a little bitter today, a little numb. Trying not to cry.

Hubby has been a rock. He went with me to look at the test result. He held me as I fought back tears. He teared up himself. There is nothing more supportive than knowing he is right here with me, in feelings and hope and pain.

Even though this tends to be an anti-Mother's Day post, I hope that all the Mother's out there know how special they are and how special they have it. You have been blessed. Please never take that for granted.

A Good Break

Yesterday Hubby and I took a day for ourselves. We went to the Cards/Cubs series over the weekend, got back late Sunday and made Monday our own. It was so nice. We both took personal days and just enjoyed the day. It was in the mid 70s. Hubby mowed and installed his new, beloved garage lights. I went on a shopping bonanza at the local nurseries and planted my lil heart out. I ended up filling over a dozen pots with flowers of all kinds. They make me so happy :)

So we made the day our own. It was so nice not to have to go to a Dr appointment on an off day like we have since January. It was nice to just be us for once in this long journey. Now we are looking at May 22nd with eager eyes when we meet our RE for the first time. IVF here we come!